In the spirit of of the much-awaited yet ridiculously-titled Goody’s Headache Relief Shot 500 *stifled giggle* this Sunday, let’s count down the worst names given to the races by NASCAR’s beloved corporate and socio-political sponsors.
Before we kick the list off, we feel obligated to inform you that we made use of a couple of criteria for our selections below. One, only NASCAR Sprint Cup Series events were covered; and two, only races held from 2010 to the present were considered.
While the timeframe of our scope seems relatively short, do not fret; we got more than enough horrible race titles in that half-a-decade span (heck, 2011’s Wonderful Pistachios 400 didn’t even make our cut!) for you to fuss over. And with the way that 2015 is going, it seems that the number of absurd names will only continue to grow.
If you’re looking for our in-depth preview for the Goody’s Headache Relief Shot 500 itself, you won’t find it on this page, but you can check that out over here. And without further ado, here are 10 of NASCAR’s most senseless race names over the past five years.
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Top 10 Dumbest Race Names in NASCAR
10. Goody’s Headache Relief Shot 500
[sc:Other240banner ]Yup, this Sunday’s race barely made it to our list with its lengthy title, which is not as preposterous at it sounds.
This event in Martinsville was previously called the Tums Fast Relief 500 back in 2012, but we can only presume that vertigo and migraines are more prevalent in NASCAR drivers and viewers now more so than indigestion and other gastro-intestinal ailments… like barfing constantly because of that horrible name itself.
9. Bojangles’ Southern 500
For the culturally unaware, the Bojangles’ Southern 500 is open to many interpretations. Though the company behind that ad is actually one of America’s rising outlets for mass-produced fried chicken, it remains most commonly known as famed tap dancer Bill “Bojangles” Robinson’s moniker, which was where the fast food chain’s brand name was derived from to begin with.
Now if somebody else hears Bojangles, and the first thing that pops into their head is some dude’s sagging crowned jewels, then that’s where the poor man’s KFC’s advertising has failed the general public. But still, dem biscuits are to die for!
8. Spongebob Squarepants 400
In terms of irrelevance, this race from May of this year certainly ranks as one of worst race names in NASCAR history. But the Spongebob Squarepants 400 doesn’t get as much scorn from us because A, the show is hilarious and B, the event was only named to promote Nickelodeon’s stalwart program’s second-ever animated movie released on the silver screens. Like what’s a NASCAR event without a literally spineless and fluorescent absorbent, right?
Don’t worry, Kansas; you’ll get a better name for your race next year, and at least they stopped making those Twilight films already.
(Oh, and how do you think Jimmie Johnson really felt after winning and having to take home that hideous trophy above?)
7. Axalta “We Paint Winners” 400
Wow, is 2015 a lame year for NASCAR race names or what? Just a month after the Spongebob Squarepants 400, we got the Axalta “We Paint Winners” 400 at Pocono.
What makes this arguably worse than the SBSP 400 before it is the fact that Axalta forcefully added their slogan to the title – quotation marks and all. Oh, and just in case their motto wasn’t clear enough, the company makes paint products. Capisce?
6. Pocono 400 presented by #NASCAR
Boy, is Pocono getting the short end of the sponsorship stick, or what? Wasn’t 2013’s Party in the Poconos bad enough? Isn’t that Vanilla Ice celebrating with Joey Logano on the podium?!
Anyway… back in 2012, NASCAR rode the social media wave a little too heavy-handedly by simply adding a hashtag to its label out in Long Pond. I know y’all got a deal struck with Twitter and everything, but way to get creative, guys.
5. Coke Zero 400 powered by Coca-Cola
Since 2008, the Coke Zero 400 powered by Coca-Cola is a constant reminder that Coca-Cola rules any and all ad spots. Sheesh, this mid-year race in Daytona isn’t even the only Coca-Cola-sponsored event of the year, as the Coca-Cola 600 at CMS takes place a little under a couple of months before the Coke Zero 400 powered by Coca-Cola.
And if our point about the Coke Zero 400 powered by Coca-Cola’s redundancy has gotten through to you yet: Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola. Don Draper would be proud of us and also, of course, the folks over at – you guessed it – Coca-Cola.
4. Crown Royal Presents the [Your Hero’s Name Here] 400 at the Brickyard powered by BigMachineRecords.com
We’re not even going to bother re-typing that long-ass title again, even if we had to pull some strings in trying to meet word count quotas by merely a highlight-copy-paste command away.
Simply put, the CRP[YHNH]400BPMBR.com (even making a fake acronym out of that title is quite a task) happens at the Brickyard 400 at IMS every tail-end of July or so, and is partially named after a credible individual from the U.S. Armed Forces or a certified first responder – with this year’s honors going to U.S. Marine Jeff Kyle, who has likely rolled his eyes at that insane race name himself.
3. The Profit on CNBC 500
Well this just sounds a little too tongue-in-cheek for our taste…
Although the sponsorship and the advertised basic cable TV program itself has the best intentions for the small business entrepreneurs on the show, you can’t help but smell the overall corporate greed emanating from the title alone of last year’s race out in Avondale.
Way to be overtly meta, Comcast.
2. NRA 500
Apparently, nothing says NASCAR more than firearms… right?
2013’s NRA 500 – regardless of whatever the management of the Texas Motor Speedway still thinks – is certainly one ad that does not belong at such a well-renowned American sporting event, especially with all the news about police brutality spreading across the country of late.
Thankfully, that was the first and only instance that the NRA had a hand at a NASCAR sponsorship. Now we’re stuck with the event being called as the (lame) Duck Commander 500, which is more PG, but also still pretty dumb and unrelated to motorsports in essence.
1. Heluva Good! Sour Cream Dips at The Glen
After tackling a couple of race names coming from imposing organizations that we definitely do not want to see in court after this, it was then our duty to cleanse our palates with a light-hearted yet utterly hilarious sponsor at our top spot.
There are just too many blunders from the Heluva Good! Sour Cream Dips at The Glen that had a special place in our hollow hearts to make this our prime choice as the worst of the worst. Where do we even begin? There’s the misspelled opening word (it should’ve been helluva, right, folks?), the exclamation point that sticks out like a sore thumb, and the failure to cite the number of race laps at the event in the title to somehow inconspicuously hint that this is still a NASCAR event.
What’s even worse is that the folks at Heluva Good! (gotta love that uncalled-for punctuation) doubled-down on their campaign from 2010 to 2011, with this event at Watkins Glen in August having been preceded by none other than the Heluva Good! Sour Cream Dips 400 at the Michigan International Speedway in June.
But we gotta hand it to them… that’s one “helluva” marketing strategy they got right there. Just look at us; we’re still talking (and laughing) about it just a few years after the fact!
Did these sponsorship missteps get you riled up? Create a betting account now to start betting on the actual NASCAR races themselves and stick it to the man with your hard-earned winning predictions instead.
