Sports personalities were born entertainers. However, we’re not here to praise them entirely for their athletic endeavors. We’re here to roll the red carpet and fete the athletes, coaches, and team owners who provided the kind of free entertainment that we normally get charged for at the movie theater.
Athletes that deserve Academy Awards
Best Actor
Lance Armstrong, Disgraced Cycling Champion
Lance Armstrong’s cameo role in Dodge Ball was just was just a glimpse of his profound acting chops. That short but moving performance opposite Vince Vaughn barely scratched the surface of this method acting wunderkind’s talents. What earned Armstrong this year’s Best Actor award was his virtuoso performance in January of last year, when he sat down for an interview with Oprah. The interview served as the final installment of his lifelong shenanigans and he ended it with a stirring, unforgettable confession. Daniel Day Lewis swore that at the time it aired, he grabbed a pen and paper and took down notes.
The other nominees for Best Actor:
- Alex Rodriguez in ‘The Biogenesis Scandal’
- LeBron James in ‘GOAT Flopper’
- Manti Te’o in ‘She’s my girl, I swear’
Best Supporting Actor
Daniel Snyder, Washington Redskins Owner
Daniel Snyder’s firm refusal to have his team’s name changed was the glue that held together a brilliant, provocative tale of insensitiveness. His role drew loud cheers on its first screening, even earning a standing ovation led by no less than his peers. Because of his convincing and disturbing portrayal of a boss with a conduct unbecoming of a levelheaded human being, this award giving body is unequivocally bestowing Snyder this year’s Best Supporting Actor award.
The other nominees for Best Supporting Actor:
- Seattle’s 12th Man in ‘We Won a Title and Broke a Record and a Team’
- Vladimir Putin in ‘In Russia, Olympics Wins you Empire’
- The Johnny Manziel sideshow in ‘Bret Favre Meets Joe Namath’
Best Director
Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks Head Coach
Whatever the Seattle Seahawks accomplished this past season, which included winning the NFC Championship and the most lopsided Super Bowl of our generation, reflects the kind of man that led them to those – Pete Carroll.
With Carroll at the helm, the Seahawks bludgeoned almost every opponent who crossed their paths. The annihilation ended with a merciless Seahawks beatdown of the No. 1 offensive team of all time in the Denver Broncos. The result was a sweeping cinematic triumph for the Seahawks, who turned gridiron massacre into an art form and a paradigm shift of what a winning coach should add to the players’ culture.
The other nominees for Best Director
- MLB’s Bud Selig for ‘How to Start a Witch Hunt in 2013’
- Dana White for ‘How to Alienate Your Superstars’
- Phil Jackson for ‘Ghost: Hanging Over Every Coach’s Shoulder’
Best Movie
The Richie Incognito, Jonathan Martin Saga
Picture a 300-pound man, soaking wet drowning in tears in a corner before going home to his mom because he was taunted and frightened by a large man. The thought of it alone could melt the heart of even the steeliest of men but Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin managed to bring this evoking narrative to life.
Hazing isn’t entirely a new plot but the unique blend of Incognito’s boisterous character, Martin’s silence, and the mere size of both men worked wonders in bringing a fresh feel to the clichéd genre.
The other nominees for Best Movie
- ‘The Biogenesis Scandal’
- ‘Peyton Manning: How to Become the Best Ever and Lose it in One Game’
- ‘In Russia, Olympics Wins you Empire’
Best Short Film
Derrick Rose’s 2013-14 Season
Derrick Rose’s 2013-14 season, though short, became a critics’ favorite for its bold mixture of the elements of hope, redemption, and the cruel twist of fate. Rose made a successful return after a long absence to recuperate from a devastating knee injury but just when Chicago was starting to look like a top contender in the Eastern Conference, Rose was rocked by yet another knee injury in only his 11th game of the season.
The other nominees for Best Short Film
- ‘Kobe Bryant and Steve Nash: Our Week in the NBA’
- ‘The Legend of Mayweather’s $10 Million Broncos Wager – Did he or didn’t he?’
- ‘Tom Brady is Still Looking for High Fives’
Do you think there are other sports personalities or sports-related stories that should have won in any of the categories above?
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